NSFW: 5 bizarre and hilarious examples of Rule 34

Ah, our internet friend, Rule 34. Also defined at Urban Dictionary user Abokasee as:

If it exsists, there is a porn of it, if there isn’t there will be, there is NO exception to this rule as of now. You cannot be 100% specific about this rule.

I saw a rule 34 of Scooby Doo – Correct.
I saw a rule 34 of Micky Mouse and Optimus Prime – Wrong.

(Please note, since I have suggested the second example, it is now being worked on by Insane Japanese Hentai Anmiation Artists)

Let’s not be coy: Sex is like breathing. We all do it. We all WANT to do it. Those who aren’t doing it WANT to be doing it. It’s a drive we’re born with, and that we can’t deny too much without serious mental health issues resulting. Words and images of a sexual nature are exciting, and that excitement is fun, even when it’s not taken to its logical conclusion.

Because none of us can control the subject matter that excites us, it’s not a wonder that the internet seriously took off with the introduction of pornography.

Beginning with the lame and ending in the nightmare-inducing, internet pornography can be a fascinating glimpse of the range of normal human sexual practices. It can also be a judgment-free place for those with, ahem, slightly less-mainstream impulses to find validation and camaraderie. It can also show a world that you would have been much better off not seeing …Trust me, if even an internet pro like me can fall down a rabbit hole of pornography that made me actually weep for humanity while researching this post on funny porn, it could happen to you.

We all know there’s some seriously dark and jacked up pornography on the internet. This post is not a discussion of those things. This post is a discussion of some of the funny, interesting, and non-sickening pornography that the internet brings us. Non-sickening, that is, if pornography generally doesn’t sicken you. In general, it doesn’t sicken me. YMMV.

5. Pterodactyls!

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Yes, kids, this internet classic bears inclusion. Three men in head-to-toe rubber pterodactyl suits work their primitive mojo on a woman so pale that she HAD to have been cast simply to contrast with the pterodactyl suits. The most hilarious thing about this particular vid, I think, is that the pterodactyl costume wings seem to be so heavy that the actors can’t keep flapping while trying to focus on the woman they’re supposed to be servicing.

Flap, flap, flap . flap . flap . flap .. flap .. flap … flap … flap … flap …. flap ….. flap …… Then, suddenly flap, flap, flap, flap again. Lather, rinse, repeat. I can’t help but think that there’s someone off-camera occasionally hollering, “Flap, dammit, flap!” This video is so silly, and fills so MANY niches (gang bang, interracial, anthropomorphic, reptile, rubber, etc.), that I had to watch it maybe 5 times in a row to catch all of the laughter-inducing points.

Hilarity Scale: 8/10

4. Cartoons (in this case, Futurama)

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There is an entire (likely amateur, but apparently talented) industry that takes published live animation and edits it to be pornographic. Much of it is actually really good work, technologically speaking, even when the sexual acts depicted are vanilla mainstream. I can appreciate the technical work on this, and the concept of corrupting cartoons just amuses me. If it strikes your fancy, the same type of work has been done with the Flintstones, Rugrats, and the Jetsons if internet rumors and my friends are to be believed.

Hilarity Scale: 5/10, giggle factor high

3. Written Anthropomorphism (in this case, Alvin and the Chipmunks)

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Yes, another draw from the anthro pump. I can’t get over the idea of the animated Chipmunks getting it on with each other while gang banging Brittany when left to their own devices. Adding this one to the Pterodactyl video makes me HAVE to know …. What IS it with anthro gang banging?

To each his own, but anyone who is excited enough by the adorable animated chipmunks to have such fantasies should seriously consider what was going on in their world when they were watching the original cartoons. This isn’t judgment, it’s a suggestion to reflect. It’s not like there’s a technological challenge here. This is all verbal, and therefore a pretty interesting window into the author’s mind.

Hilarity Scale: 7/10

2. Balloons!

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These folks call themselves “Looners” and are turned on by balloons. Becoming excited by the sound of rubbing the rubber (as the woman in the snapshot is doing), the sound of them popping, laying in them, tossing them around, rubbing them on intimate parts of the anatomy, etc. is what makes a person a Looner.

While really low on the perverted scale (hell, a high percentage of these videos don’t even have nudity), the concept just makes me laugh. What circuits are wired funny in the human brain that makes this sexually exciting? How do these people deal at birthday parties? Do they date ballon animal artists? The curiosity is endless, as is the eye-rolling.

Hilarity Scale: 5/10, curiosity factor high

1. Teddy Grahams (yes, the cracker)

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Yes, it’s exactly what it looks like. A man is manipulating Teddy Graham crackers through blue movie tropes. The man manipulating the crackers is filling in the male’s dialogue, and a buddy off-camera is filling in the female’s dialogue. I’m 95% sure this is parody OF pornography instead of an actual attempt AT pornography, but the examples of not-sexy-to-me honest attempts above make me include this one anyway. There IS a small chance it’s sincere. If so, I really want to know what their next topic will be, and what chemical assistance (if any) was instrumental in the execution.

Hilarity Scale: 9/10 if sincere, 6/10 if parody

Googling will locate any of these examples if you’re curious or just need a good laugh. I’m not linking to them, though, because you should work for your excitement. Something in me says that if we all worked a bit more for it, we’d be all be a lot more satisfied with the result.

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About

Middle-aged, life-long Texan with a substantial chip on her shoulder.

Posted in culture, pornography, sex, technology
4 comments on “NSFW: 5 bizarre and hilarious examples of Rule 34
  1. Barronius says:

    too funny…flap flap flap…dammit..flap! heehee

  2. Variblex says:

    please check out SFW pr0n…as it is kind of the reverse of rule 34…. this post is a partial exploration of the bottomless deep cultural hole the internet is without going overly graphic(thanks)….def a laugh

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